The Trump Tweet
Anxious Leadership in an Anxious World
A few days ago on X, Donald Trump tweeted, “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!”
Donald Trump’s tweet is violent. There is no such thing as harmless hateful rhetoric. Speech does not evaporate once spoken. It does not fall off a cliff and explode when it hits the ground. It’s not the Wile E. Coyote.
This year, I’ve been reading about Bowen Family Systems Theory. I started with this book by Edwin Friedman. A “family system” can be considered a family, an institution, or a society. In Bowen Family Systems Theory, we acknowledge that these systems are more than data, method, structure, and production. They also involve emotional processes. Friedman observes curious similarities between medieval Europe and contemporary America:
There are curious similarities between the “anxious emotional processes of these two vastly different civilizations, five hundred years apart, that help highlight the factors that are toxic to leadership in our time. Particularly striking are the similarity of forces that have been disruptive to the emotional balance of these two civilizations and the symptomatic effects of such disruption. For example, there are forces to be found in both periods that are destructive of relationships and that are, by nature, anxiety-inducing…Each age has been destabilized by the breakdown of institutions around which society organized itself for centuries, and which may have been binding its anxiety, with feudalism and the papacy on one hand, segregation and political chauvinism on the other. But if there are similarities between the disruptive forces that might unleash anxiety throughout a society, there are also some curious similarities in the regressive symptoms that can result when such anxiety becomes chronic. Each epoch is characterized by a rising tide of purification: the Inquisition or ‘political correctness.’ Each period is scarred by a rampant plague: Black Death or AIDS. Each society is characterized by increasing polarization, rigidity of belief, clouded vision, and inability to change direction. There is a cynical pessimism about the future, despite the tremendous potential offered by new technology and social change. What both periods have in common is what I shall call a tendency toward societal regression” (Friedman, 58).
Friedman suggests (in 1999!) that the “climate of contemporary America has become so chronically anxious that our society has gone into an emotional regression that is so toxic to well-defined leadership. In contrast to the Renaissance spirit of adventure that was excited by encounter with novelty, American civilization’s emotional regression has perverted the elan of risk-taking discovery and pioneering that originally led to the foundations of our nation. As a result, its fundamental character has instead been shaped into an illusive and often compulsive search for safety and certainty. This is occurring equally in parenting, medicine, and management. This anxiety is so deep within the emotional processes of our nation that it is almost as though a neurosis has become nationalized…Chronic anxiety can induce an approach to life that is counter-evolutionary” (Friedman, 59).
These emotional processes are more powerful than the nature of a system’s structure or makeup. Yet, we continue to believe that data and technique will lead to excellence. Friedman suggests that our focus on data and technique is itself a characteristic of emotional regression, and what actually leads to excellence is “self-differentiation.” Taylor Swift is a great example of a well-defined leader. Well-defined leaders can separate from surrounding emotional processes, obtain clarity about their values, are willing to be exposed and vulnerable, can persist in the face of inertial resistance (desperation to return to the status quo), and can remain self-regulated in the face of reactive sabotage.
Poorly differentiated leaders lack the distance to think clearly about their own vision and values. Instead, they are reactive and unfocused. They are reluctant to take well-defined stands (they don’t have many convictions). They lack the maturity and sense of self to deal with sabotage (creating uproar over perceived slights). Poorly defined leaders lose integrity and accountability while they quickly project blame.
“I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!” exemplifies poorly defined leadership. Donald Trump is a reactive leader with a low pain threshold who projects fault outside of himself by quickly blaming (or suing) those with the greatest integrity.
Friedman claims that all leaders, from presidents to parents, must learn to be well-defined in their leadership. Here’s what I wanted to explain before I went down the rabbit holes above. In A Failure of Nerve, Friedman describes the nature of hostile environments (environments that are incapable of self-regulation).
“A lack of self-regulation holds true for viruses, malignant cells, and abusers of substances or people, whether the latter are troublemaking members of families or make up an entire totalitarian nation…Equally significant is the fact that the inability of regressive entities to self-regulate is the basis for two derivative attributes that all pathogenic forces or entities also have in common. One attribute is this: all organisms that lack self-regulation will be perpetually invading the space of their neighbors. (Their relentlessness seems to give them a resolute stamina that the ‘good guys’ can rarely muster.) The second attribute is: organisms that are unable to self-regulate cannot learn from their experience, which is why the unmotivated are invulnerable to insight…Recognizing the universality of these principles can create a major reorientation for understanding and dealing with many of the dilemmas of leadership in families and institutions, particularly resistance, sabotage, perversity, and madness” Friedman, 148).
And listen to this…Friedman describes the basic life principles and the importance of self-regulation at the cellular level. In describing a few of the differences between life-sustaining cells and destructive cells, he writes:
“During the process of specialization, normal cells cease to proliferate indiscriminately and propagate only offspring that have the same function as themselves. This not only means they organize other life in a new, meaningful way, it also ensures their becoming cooperative rather than competitive with the larger society of which they are a part and which gave them their life to begin with. They know when to quit. Normal cells have a gene for self-destruction. Under certain circumstances, when cells contain entities that are dangerous to the larger society to which they belong, that gene can be activated, thus robbing the potentially harmful force that has taken refuge within it of a base from which to operate. The process, called apoptosis, or programmed cell death, even though it has to do with self-destruction, is an evolutionary, altruistic phenomenon, not a regressive one” Friedman, 149).
Friedman then describes the ways malignant cells differ from normal cells.
“Malignant cells, like viruses, are the essence of selfishness. With no sense of connectedness, they operate without any responsiveness to a larger association. Since altruism is connected to connectedness, it is, therefore, out of the question. At no time, however, can their selfishness be attributed to intent; as with viruses, their selfishness has to do with lack of self” (Friedman, 151).
The behavior of poorly defined leaders mimics that of viruses or malignant cells. We cannot “mutate” our reactive children or sick leaders. We cannot force them to become healthy. Rather, we must shift our focus from the “other” to preserving our own integrity. Examples: In an abusive relationship, one must stop trying to force the abuser to become non-abusive. They must focus on their own health and make the changes they are capable of making.
Poorly defined leaders often communicate inspiring and beautiful values, such as “Make America Great Again!” However, their function with those beliefs is destructive and regressive. More disturbingly, these unhealthy leaders attract similar people. They form tumors (hello, MAGA), and instead of understanding their destructive impact, these tumors will often complain that they have been victimized, abused, and alienated (hello, conspiracy theories).
Meanwhile, well-defined leaders promote accountability. They do not require conformity of thought but a conformity of behavior to the democratic process.
Tweets like “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!” are malignant cells that threaten our nation's health. If our nation wants to survive, then we need a leader who will provide regulation through her self-defined presence. The leader's integrity will often (but not always) act as an immune response. Weirdly, we have seen healthy, effective, and well-defined global leadership in…Taylor Swift. I say “weirdly” because one would expect to see it in our presidential candidates.
Sometimes, cancer kills. Hitler. Racism. Sexism. Fear.
Why does a system sometimes fail to stop the cancer? Why does the cancer often outgrow the well-defined leaders? When there is a change in any system, even when the change is good, there is a strong reaction from within the system to return to the comfort of the status quo. The force is so strong that it can be compared to a riptide. Swimming against the current is hard; no effort will convince a riptide to change direction. The only thing we can control is our own self-differentiation. Even though the riptide pulls the system to the status quo, we can turn and swim outside of the riptide rather than exhausting ourselves swimming against it.
Systemic riptides are a fascinating homeostatic response to change, especially in a society that is changing faster than ever. Many people in our society fear the loss of power. Those who have benefited most from the current system (or are just comfortable with it) and are terrified of a changing landscape can be riptides who pull us back to a time that was not good for anyone who did not fit the mold of our patriarchal and racist founders. Some cooperate with the riptides, even though they might drown because floating back to that familiar territory is easier than imagining what they have never experienced.
Donald Trump anxiously reacted to Taylor Swift’s endorsement of Kamala Harris by tweeting, “I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!” because well-defined women scare poorly-defined men (and women). Predictably, MAGA is trying to sabotage Taylor Swift’s worldwide leadership via sabotage, calling for Republicans to boycott.
I fear that if our nation does not recognize the malignancy of Donald Trump’s leadership, we will eventually be an infected nation where girls over the age of 12 are not allowed to be educated. Or where black people are forced to sit at the back of the bus. Unchecked, fearful, anxious, and malignant leadership kills, while well-defined leaders restore life (Jesus, MLK, Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Oscar Romero. Taylor Swift.) Well-defined leaders act as an immune response to disease, but they put their lives on the line as they do. Without enormous support, these leaders will be overgrown by the malignancy.
I recently shared the above picture of Taylor Swift on Facebook, and someone commented: “If you truly follow God and really understand what she stands for and worships, you would then understand that she is not a good person in God’s eyes.” Huh? Another person said, “I choose to vote on issues and not who is supporting who...I want our America to be prosperous, safe and a great place to raise our children...so whichever candidate can do that has my vote...” The problem with these comments is that
A.) Even the most malignant leaders can tout admirable values. But how do they function with those beliefs and values? Are they self-defined, non-reactive, healthy leaders? Or are they poorly defined, reactive, scared, and anxious leaders?
B.) Do we want America to be prosperous, safe, and great for only the minority it has ever been prosperous, safe, and great for? Or, do we want to extend those American values to those who have never experienced America as any of those things? If we want “liberty and justice for ALL,” then the “haves” must share with the “have-nots.” This requires humility and sacrifice.
C.) God promises to restore and redeem ALL of creation, including both Taylor Swift and Donald Trump…and myself! Speaking of restoring creation…
I have been listening to a podcast from the Center for Action and Contemplation entitled “Learning How To See with Brian McLaren.” In Season Three, McLaren states that religion is always in the making—it becomes what its adherents make it. He suggests that Christianity is many things (and has been many things). In the Ancient World, Jesus preached his “Sermon on the Mount,” which teaches a way for Christians to exist in the world and bless the world. My support for Taylor Swift does not measure my faithfulness to God. It is measured by how I follow the Way of Christ. Here is a blessing based on Matthew 5:1-11 that McLaren offers to his listeners, and I will share it with you here:
“We bless the poor and vulnerable, and those in solidarity with the poor and vulnerable, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. We bless those who mourn for loved ones they have lost to illness and violence, for they will be comforted. We bless those brave enough to be non-violent, for they will inherit the earth. We bless those who are insatiably hungry and thirsty for justice, for they will be filled. We bless all who choose to be merciful rather than vengeful, for they will receive mercy. We bless all those who choose to be pure in heart rather than deceitful and hypocritical, for they will see God. We bless all who choose to be spreaders of peace rather than spreaders of hate, for they will be called children of God. We bless all who are persecuted, harassed, heckled, rejected, and mocked for standing for justice, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you, and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely for standing with Jesus, for standing for what he stood for. Rejoice and be glad for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
Resources:
A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix by Edwin Friedman
Podcast: Learning How To See with Brian McLaren
Season 3, Episode 1: Christianity is Many Things