My district superintendent and bishop recently asked me to step down from pastoral leadership at the church I served. I was leading a church back to health, and the inevitable changes in our church birthed inevitable conflict. I knew the conflict would pass if I stayed in the ring. I wanted to make it to the other side. I almost did. But I didn’t. The good news is that they can continue moving forward into their next season of ministry together. And I’m at peace; I feel this is the best thing for me, too.
Today, I listened to a podcast: “10% Happier with Dan Harris.” The episode was “The Science of Handling Uncertainty” with Maya Shankar. Maya explained that one of the reasons change is so hard for people is because it messes with our identity. Yes! I realized that even though I am an extreme generalist, titles don’t matter to me, and I have always thought of jobs as just jobs…being a pastor feels like who I am. It is not just a job. It is my purpose in life. I have decided to step back without knowing what’s ahead, which brings many panicky questions to the surface. Who the heck am I? Will I ever find people as awesome as I have here? And I loved my church.
A long time ago, I read a quote that said something like, “Live the life you’d want your children to live.” How long would I want my kids to hang in there? There is always hope…
My mom (I love her) always told me, “Successful people do things they don’t want to do.” I internalized that, and sometimes, it’s hard to know when to stop trying so hard. But it recently occurred to me that success can also be knowing when to stop. I finally have…after one million years of working towards ordination in this denomination.
I wonder what I will do next. Will it be meaningful? Will I love it as much? Will I be with people I love so much? Will I have options, or will there be nothing for me without a denomination? I want to believe that God works outside of denominations, too.
I love what I do, I love the United Methodist Church, I love the people who are the United Methodist Church, I love Wesleyan theology. This is the stuff that has shaped me. But I have been beaten up. I think I need to sit awhile, to recover. Of course, my mind is spinning with possibilities. Should I fundraise? Start a church? I think, for now, I can rest.
Below, I am including the email I wrote to my congregation.
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Dear Church,
With a heavy heart, I write to share news regarding my position as your pastor.
Our former preschool director filed a formal complaint against me with our bishop’s office. There were teachers, some preschool families, and one SUMC leader who also contacted the District Superintendent and Bishop. On August 27th, I met with the bishop and district superintendent. I learned that in response to this complaint and all of the emails and phone calls they had received, they felt that our church needed a fresh start with a new preschool director and a new pastor who is more relational, pastoral, and experienced. I was given a week to step down from my responsibilities.
I was raised by this denomination and have been appointed as a pastor since 2017. My years as a pastor have been the best years of my life and also the most painful. I have tried to make a place for myself within this system. I thought that pain was required to become a resilient and strong leader. When I considered leaving, I struggled to imagine what my future would look like. I also worried that if I left, I would never succeed at anything. But God does not expect us to remain in systems that damage us. It is not good for anyone.
The truth is, we can’t imagine what God has for our future if we do not step into it, even while uncertain and scared. Sometimes, we have to act on the little that we know, and the only thing I know right now is that God does not expect me to sacrifice myself for a system that continues to harm me and then blame me for that harm. A system that insists on conformity and compliance in ways that do not align with my values. Sometimes, the only way we can step into our future is when the choice to remain is taken away. I am grateful that the decision became easy. I am confident that the next senior pastor will continue to lead you into your next season of amazing ministry. I pray you will partner with Pastor Mac and your next senior pastor to continue building on what we have started together.
When I was first called to vocational ministry in 2014, I was terrified of leaving my career. A friend reminded me of James 1:5-8. I realized I needed to act on God's wisdom but was scared to leave my career and salary without knowing what was next. One night, as I put my kids to bed, I read Matthew 6:25-34 and realized that I can trust God to sustain me. I left my career and soon after began to pursue becoming a pastor in the United Methodist Church. When I later considered going to seminary, I could not imagine how I would juggle classes while working and caring for my family. I heard God say, “I will sustain you.” And God did. Later, after serving my first church for five years, I left before I was appointed to another church. I wasn’t sure if there would be another church for me, but I had a clear vision for ministry and needed to serve where I could fully lean into that vision. As I left my first church appointment, I was scared that God was already finished with me. And then, I had a dream. God said to me that this was only the beginning. Like Moana (my favorite Disney movie), I find God not in places of comfort and safety but “at the line where the sky meets the sea.” Our Bible is full of stories of people encountering God in the wilderness.
I am sad to leave our church. I have loved being your pastor, but I remind myself that God is not finished with me yet. I also know God is not finished with you, and I am excited about the future of this church. You all are simply the best. You will continue to be a church that transforms our community by the way you love. God will continue to use each of you in unimaginable ways as you partner with God to make everywhere you go a place that aligns more with who God is.
An abrupt departure does not allow space for healthy goodbyes and conversations. I am happy to have those conversations with you when you are ready. I am deeply grateful for how this congregation has shaped me. I am thankful for how you have welcomed my family. I also ask forgiveness for my mistakes and for any ways I hurt you. As I leave, I carry everything you have taught me, and I am forever thankful for your influence on me, my family, our collective ministry, and our lives. We love you! Feel free to find me on Facebook or Instagram!
Peace,
Lauren Geraghty